I love my country Bermuda and my fellow Bermudians. We’re friendly people. Beautiful people of all shapes, sizes and colours. But one thing that always gets on my nerves without fail when I return are some of the really dumb questions that I’m often asked. It’s true, we Bermudians love to make conversation and most of the time we don’t really listen to what we’re saying when we say things.
I’ve thought of a list of questions that I’d most likely be asked upon returning to Bermuda for the holidays. If you, your granny, your aunty or well-meaning uncle feel the urge to ask any of these questions please refrain from asking and refer to the list of 8 questions below:
List of Questions that I really do not wished to be asked upon return to Bermuda. Answers provided.
1. Do you have cars in Africa?
A. There are millions more cars in Kenya than Bermuda will ever have.
2. You look like you’re eating well. Isn’t everyone starving over there?
A. Umm…no. Actually it’s pretty easy to stay fed in Kenya. There’s always maze, bananas and beans around. Let’s drop the stereotype of starvation across the African continent please.
3. Do your children speak African?
A. The language that is spoken here is called Kiswahili. The nationality is Kenyan.
4. How was it when you were up in that mall with all those terrorist?
A. So you’re telling me that you want me to recall the worst day of my life while standing on the corner of Reid Street chatting?? Seriously?
5. Have you changed your religion?
A. Ummm..last time I checked no. Have you changed yours? .
6. Are you home for good?
A. What does that even mean? Sounds like a prison sentence to me.
7. Weren’t you afraid to move to Africa?
A. First of all, do you refer to Bermuda as North America? Can we name the country for starters? The answer is ‘No.’
8. How come you just came from Afri..I mean Kenya and you don’t have a tan? Isn’t it always hot over there in Afri..I mean Kenya?
A. Nairobi never gets as warm as Bermuda because of the altitude plus the seasons are switched. Today I’m wearing a scarf and a sweater.
So to my beloved family and friends in Bermuda. Feel free to refer to this list upon encountering me and my family in Bermuda this December. Even if you feel the urge…a strong urge to ask one of the questions on the list. Please, please DO NOT ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS!!
P.S. Somebody just asked me, “And if I do?”